They "Don't Want-ta"

I suggest that if you find the story that now follows implausible, you really don't know Ireland.

Back in the bad old days (circa 1988) when Evil stalked the land, a well-got businessman of my acquaintance imported in his briefcase a floppy disc of business software for which he had paid £100 in Manchester. Although he knew well that there was zero chance of being caught "smuggling" it in, as plenty of others still do regularly, being an upright pillar of the business community, he approached the customs officials at Cork airport seeking to pay the proper excise duty and/or VAT.

Under pressure now, he may allow that he was indulging his curiosity and/or being a bit disingenuous. If one were being cynical - a rare event hereabouts, I know - one might suspect that he had recently encountered the UK Internal Revenue services on a typically unsympathetic day, and wished to compare and contrast.

The man to whom he spoke was rather taken aback - "£100 for that ?" - and clearly had never seen a diskette, nor wanted to know of imported software. Having unsuccessfully ventured to suggest to my friend several excuses for non-declaration that might be usefully claimed, he finally said "Yerra, go on, we'll let you off this time", but my friend was insistent. He tried to explain that he intended to use it in his business and it would cause all sorts of accounting problems, as well as awkwardness with the tax and VAT Inspectors if it wasn't all "above board".

The official looked at him as if he had just tried to persuade him that Charlie Haughey was the Son of God, but agreed to see what he could do. He then walked down to the other end of the office, and made a phone call.

The official was - you've already "twigged", haven't you ? - one of those endearing characters with a naturally clear Cork voice which carried all the way down to where my friend waited.This is how it went:

Mick, howzit going ?... Great stuff... Go way ! I hate those Meath fellas more GAA gossip deleted...Listen, Mick, I have this fella here with a piece of plastic that he says he wants to declare...no,no, he's not from expletive deleted Dublin ... yeah, Irish...yeah really...I think he's one of them family name deleted fellas, I know ... looks useless to me...£100...looseware or sumpthin'...no, that's it, soft, yeah...I dunno...is there a code ?...no, I know, yeh, yeh...(snort) yeah...no, Mick,

...no...

I already told him that but he don't want-ta...

Over at Public Inquiry, Anthony Sheridan says:

... the people should indeed take ownership, not of the reform process, but of the political system itself

I say that many of the people - he calls them "morons" - Anthony and his ilk get most annoyed about, e.g. Eoghan Harris, already tried to get "the People" to do that: they "don't want-ta".

It's not some kind of accident that we have a Fianna Fáil-dominated government, or that we have had one so often: it is the result of a functioning electoral process that is not "rotten", and produces political leadership which is the genuine free choice of the voters. Like it or not - and I don't - we have to live with this. (Only until the next election, if the opinion polls are to be believed, mind you, when Anthony will get to suffer under a different set of "morons").

This does not mean that there is nothing for good people like Anthony, his nephew Gavin, Dr Elaine Byrne, John Handelaar and many others to do. Mr HandelaarIf nothing else, and there is plenty more where those named are concerned, they are part of the corps who provide the "eternal vigilance" without which our freedom from tyranny will atrophy.

Anthony, temporarily (I hope) carried away, calls for our "current rotten system" to be destroyed so that it can be replaced with ... well, "the people should take ownership", Anthony says. This would seem to mean in practice (bear with me !) that pure, idealistic, good people - by whom is meant, one has to suspect, people like himself and Elaine Byrne - with rational, transparent, ideas uncorrupted by money, or anything else, would guide The People to A Better Place.

Unfortunately, there is no reason to believe that Elaine, anyone who shares her views, or indeed anyone is capable of putting into place - just like that, Tommy Cooper-like - a "system" that works better. It just might be otherwise (though I doubt it) if everyone was like Anthony, or like you, or even like me, but everyone isn't, and they are never going to be.

And don't fool yourself that it is otherwise anywhere else in the world, even if it is undeniable that Ireland is very imperfect in all sorts of maddening, and impoverishing, ways.