Digitally Speaking

There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

(Anonymous)

The Importance of Society

As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something.

Hagar the Horrible (Chris Browne)

Of Fat Ladies ...

When an opera star sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance.

Victor Borge

Cool ! Acid Wit

Hydrochloric acid is great fun, but liquid nitrogen is cooler.

Evis Tyrer

Courtesy

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Mark Twain

Entomologically speaking

Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like bananas.

Groucho Marx

Why Buying Time is Popular

Change is inevitable ... except from a vending machine.

Robert C Gallagher

Storage

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.

Steven Wright

Nuclear Waste

When you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen them all.

(Source unknown)

A Benefit of Exercise

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Noel Coward

Unreciprocated Public Spirit

I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried — but they wanted cash.

Anonymous

Horse Sense

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

W. C. Fields

A Full Life (not)

Living in a vacuum sucks.

Adrienne E. Gusoff

Censor it Now !

Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again.

Anonymous preview note for "The Wizard of Oz"

On Being a Godmother

She calls me god for short ... I taught her that.

Ellen DeGeneres

Diets

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.

Jackie Gleason

Down

When a girl says she’s got a boyish figure, it’s usually straight from the shoulder.

Henny Youngman

Shopping is Hell

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

Steven Wright

Wife-beating and similar questions

Who started this blame culture, anyway ?

Brendan K.O'Rourke

Surprisingly true

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

Paul Fix