Our Meritocracy
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government,intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
Ambrose Bierce
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government,intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
Ambrose BiercePeople ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.
George BurnsIllegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
Robert OrbenA stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
Author unknownDeliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
Ambrose Bierce
Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person.
Ethel Mumford
The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.
Casey StengelA friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body.
(Anonymous)
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen
"Charley, lissena me. Before you talk to the blacks or the hispanics, certainly you'll offer the franchises to our people and, if they're ready to put up more money than the blacks or hispanics - then they get it. I don't needa tell you, loyalty comes first with me."
From Prizzi's Glory by Richard Condon
I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.
Tommy Cooper
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns
Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.
Cullen Hightower
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Mark Twain
I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking but then I thought "What the hell good would that do ?"
Ronald Shakes
Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.
Rex Stout
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
(Ambrose Bierce - an American)
My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses.
Drinks right out of the bottle.
(Henny Youngman)There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman ?
Woody AllenThe sources for the quotations used here include my own original research, The Quotations Page, and Quotes of the Day.