Tuesday, May 29, 2007 at 08:03PM In our civilization, and under our republican form of government,intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
Ambrose BierceThursday, May 24, 2007 at 07:21PM People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.
George BurnsMonday, May 14, 2007 at 12:23PM Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
Robert OrbenSunday, May 13, 2007 at 05:58PM A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
Author unknownThursday, May 3, 2007 at 01:31PM Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
Ambrose Bierce
Tuesday, April 24, 2007 at 06:42PM Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person.
Ethel Mumford
Tuesday, April 17, 2007 at 06:10PM The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.
Casey StengelMonday, April 9, 2007 at 08:34AM A friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body.
(Anonymous)
Monday, March 19, 2007 at 04:02PM I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen
Friday, March 16, 2007 at 11:49AM "Charley, lissena me. Before you talk to the blacks or the hispanics, certainly you'll offer the franchises to our people and, if they're ready to put up more money than the blacks or hispanics - then they get it. I don't needa tell you, loyalty comes first with me."
From Prizzi's Glory by Richard Condon
Tuesday, February 27, 2007 at 02:34PM I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.
Tommy Cooper
Monday, February 26, 2007 at 08:31PM It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns
Sunday, February 18, 2007 at 07:58PM Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.
Cullen Hightower
Tuesday, February 13, 2007 at 08:48PM Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Mark Twain
Tuesday, February 6, 2007 at 03:25PM I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking but then I thought "What the hell good would that do ?"
Ronald Shakes
Wednesday, January 31, 2007 at 07:22PM Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.
Rex Stout
Wednesday, January 24, 2007 at 08:58PM It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
Monday, January 15, 2007 at 07:11PM War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
(Ambrose Bierce - an American)
Wednesday, January 10, 2007 at 12:04PM My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses.
Drinks right out of the bottle.
(Henny Youngman)Sunday, January 7, 2007 at 10:23AM There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman ?
Woody Allen